Life Update, Mental Health and Work-Life Balance

It has been a while since I posted anything here, not because I forgot but because life got in the way. The last time I posted, I was exhausted and about to start the final semester of my Bachelor's degree in English and working and writing my thesis. That was two years ago. Since then, my life has been full of work and exhaustion due to financial issues, mental health issues and a poor work-life balance.

The last two years have been very up and down with many realisations. I finally moved out on my own, which was necessary for my mental health but hit my finances hard. Then in the last six months, there has been immense pressure at work due to bad corporate management, mainly regarding staff; we have been understaffed due to both our managers burning out and working with half of the staff we should have and not getting answers or help from the regional managers, as well as a lot of changes that they have been trying to make at the same time. This does not help anyone, and my mental health, which had gotten better last summer due to moving out, has completely plummeted. I was utterly done on New Year's Day and could not deal with anything.

During this time, I have started looking at and considering my mental health to a greater extent. I knew I was depressed and had anxiety, but I had never been diagnosed. I have had an evaluation from someone specialising in women on the autism spectrum for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), which came back with me on the spectrum, but it is not a complete diagnosis, and then I have wondered, particularly in the last six months, if I might also be dealing with PTSD or CPTSD.

Late last year, I started seeing a therapist that confirmed that I have depression, social anxiety and PTSD. So I am currently going through therapy for PTSD, which is and will be difficult. This week has been both difficult and freeing due to us starting to delve into my childhood and figuring out the mind blocks that were created before my last major traumatic event, and there is a lot to go through.

Through this process, I have learned about how I function and why. I have had problems with low productivity, which I have always connected to a lack of energy, but I am pretty sure it is linked to my PTSD. This low productivity and the difficulty in starting things is the main reason for the lack of posts, both here and on YouTube. It is also the reason it took me so long to move out and why it takes me so long to write. There is also apathy that comes with this low productivity and numbness. It is, in its essence, my autopilot. I also have a problem promoting myself because I often feel like I don't have space to exist. I am used to putting everyone else first and making myself small and quiet, so I don't interrupt and annoy others. So I'm not expecting anyone reading this currently.

This year, I am going to focus on my mental health and creating healthy coping mechanisms for my PTSD. I will also try to get a bit of a posting schedule going. The plan is currently looking like this: 1 YouTube video a month and two posts here. That should give me enough time to get through what I need to and have something to push me forward. I always feel better when I am actively writing and when my creative juices are flowing. I hope I can stick to this plan and build on this in the near future and maybe, one day, not be so tied down to my work financially.

If you are reading this, thank you. This is something I needed to get off my chest and is more so written for my sake, but I hope this has helped you somehow because it has for me.